It's been a long time since I last wrote here, I went to pen and paper and have been using that means for months. Over the last few weeks I've fallen out of the habit probably because of how much has been happening. We moved house properly finally which involved a travel to the midlands and 2 days rush packing and loading up the lorry. My dad and t then took the lorry to Norfolk and unloaded it again whole I looked after angel on midlands alone. It was a good opportunity to say goodbye and I felt ready. My sister spent time with us and so did Kardi. Back here its been easter and then this week my sis has been to stay with us. It was lovely but I knew the whole time that I was holding a major down off and the longer I held it off the bigger and more destructive it would get.
P got taken home by T yesterday ver early and T had meetings in midlands all day. He was supposed to be staying with my dad and coming back after a few more meetings tonight but yesterday Angel was unwell, it wasn't emeto but a close second and I looked after her through my fears and gathering depression. By the time it was 3 I was wrecked and I broke down. I cried until I went to bed at 1 on the morning and then I woke up crying. T decided to come home when i told him how I was feeling. I didn't want to make him do all that driving in one day but I don't know how I'd coped. As it is he's going back on Monday.
I feel so fucked up right now, so broken and damaged. I've not been this depressed since living at our old home.
I've been trying to keep busy but it's hard and another part of me doesn't want ms to keep busy.
Angel has been off with me since hers and T,a bath. She's been having major crying and tantrums since and refused all food. We have gotten her into bed now and hopefully a good nights sleep will help. The things feel like they're still piling up a against me and I don't feel like the fight right now.
