Crisis

Yet again I'm at a crisis point and yet again I'm returning to write my blog. 

I've had a low bout of depression only a few weeks ago and now I'm at the sand point but for slightly different reasons. 

One of my teeth have really started hurting, the tooth is root filled and has had to be rebuilt. Being root filled it shouldn't hurt so it's most likely the gum. It's hurts a lot though, even to drink my coffee or have a smoke. Tied in with part of it chipping off last week, I'm feeling very on edge. Last night I discovered another tooth where it's eroded and the filling is almost non existent. I temporarily filled it but it is already breaking down. I know I'm going to have to have a dentist trip, I know I'm going to have to have work done very soon. I just want it to go away, I was struggling enough before this shit, with it I just can't see any colour, everything is dull and grey and dark. My sister in law is going away tonight, my other sister in law is working then going on holiday, T is on lates and angel has no playgroup. 

My sister and my dad came up yesterday to stop but only for last night and the strength it took to pretend I was okay was hard but the way I crumbled when they left was harder. 

Alone 

Stupid and shameful

I'm feeling jealousy over my sisters brilliant driving lessons, she can already so much, she's already learned so much. She is fine at changing gears and has been on a dual carriageway and it's only been 3 lessons. 

I'm a fucking stupid thick piece of shit. I'm 24 and can't drive. I can't even get my head around learning to change gears, i know how to but it's too much to think about. 

Everyday Angel asks me if I learned to drive yet. My response is always 'not yet Angel'. 

My baby sister will have learned to drive, my best friend learned over a year ago and here I am to scared to even try. 

Weak, disgusting, pathetic, shameful piece of shit. 

I wanted to have learned for the summer holiday but it's just a joke. I won't learn.