A lot has happened in the past few weeks, involving family, big decision, mending broken bridges and trying desperately to maintain those that were beginning to look damaged.
My sister in law E and I had a massive falling out which started from something very small that escalated and grew until I felt I no longer wanted her to be a part of my life and I didn't even want her at my wedding.
At first when we moved here things were very tense between us and we barely looked at each other let alone spoke, even living literally next door.
I'm not really sure how it happened, I guess being closer physically to someone causes it a certain amount, but we started spending more time with her, now she eats with us most nights and we know we can rely on each other for little thing at the moment but who knows.
I actually wrote her a letter to apologize for my behavior and our estrangement over the years, I didn't send it to fix anything or to get a reply, I simply wanted to mend the broken bridge and do something to heal the hurt that was caused.
Just as we've grown closer to E, we seem to have grown apart from T's other siblings, especially after the two families camped out the front of the main house on the grounds over the last bank holiday weekend and we kept our distance because of cousin K's effect on Angel and her behavior. T's dad also seemed to change his mood from the first day of the camp and has only just a few days ago apologized to me as I thought I'd done something wrong and he was angry or upset with me. Everything has all been very odd and I'm now hoping that it can go back to normal while we maintain the relationship with E.
I started my food hygiene and safety course and within the 30 days I completed it and passed the test 100% That and T's slimmingworld diet has really given me a new lease of life in the kitchen and I'm thoroughly enjoying cooking for as many people as I can. So far I've had no complaints and I'm having fun, rushed and messy fun, but fun all the same. And now we have a dishwasher that we brought on Saturday I now don't have to do the washing up for the extra people. It makes me feel a little closer to Darcey from my book again.
I have been in two minds whether to send Angel to playgroup or take her out. I spent the whole of last week wracking my brain over and over and trying to work out what to do for the best. We kept it a secret from everyone except my best friend L, sister in law E and my little sister P - out of all of them P responded the worst (both L and E were understanding and very supportive)- P basically said in not so many words that if I took Angel out of playgroup and home schooled her that I would be ruining her life and restricting her. We half fell out then I apologized for being snappy and she apologized too and we're still okay.
I feel like I've grown up a little just lately, the apologizing and admitting to being in the wrong is not who I used to be. I think that I'm starting to learn that saying sorry makes me feel better as well as the person I'm saying it too and for once I'm managing to allow myself the luxury of forgiveness for a few things.
In the end T and I decided to tell Angel's playgroup teacher V and as luck would have it, it turned out that she is also an emetophobic with OCD and depression and we spent hours on Sunday talking about it all, it was strange, we were so alike in so many ways and she is such a lovely person who is prepared to help me every step of the way to adapt to Angel being in playgroup as well as taking extra precautions for me to try to ensure we avoid getting something.
My mind had been made up before but speaking to her had changed everything again and I ended up in tears yet again, terrified because Angel was happy there and I should let her go back.
Monday morning came and I went with Angel to playgroup and V invited me to stay, I was anxious but I fell into it right away and I felt completely in my element. I think it must have showed through because even T's dad has now asked me to be CRB checked so that I can go on the list of people to do cover.
V is actually being bullied by someone at work at the moment and she's going to have to take it to the committee so they can decide what to do.
I feel like I've started a new chapter in my life in some ways and I have no idea what to expect, I will do what I always do, enjoy the moment and expect the worst.
<3 xxx
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