Things that change and things that stay the same.

My life at the moment has changes, not only am I changing but there are events waiting just around the corner. The main one being that we have now reached the 3 month mark from T being confirmed at work meaning we can now get a mortgage. We have been looking at houses online and today drove around looking at the ones we short listed from the outside. One had a teeeeenie garden and windows falling apart. One we didn't like the area it was in and another needed a lot of work done just to the outside. We have one left. The area looks great, the house looks great from the outside, garden not huge but big enough and the house has everything were looking for in a house. It ticks all the boxes and from the outside there's no change in that. Tomorrow the estate agents are calling me and we are going to arrange a visit. It's a very exciting.

Another change or rather a progression is that my first book is ready for paper publishing. The format needs tweaking but then it's ready to go. Then I will have the second and third to do then the first book from another series. I have the one I've been writing along with the second zombie one and now I have a third in the series of the zombie books or a stand alone but whichever it has different characters and probably some of my kind of comedy in it. 

I'm trying to think of all the positives right now especially as I'm struggling tonight. 8 years ago I was the Illest I have ever been emetophobically and every year I have stayed away from the place it happened. This year I'm here. Today I have been places I went back then, touched things i touched then and walked the same floors. During the day I can smile, hold back the fears but right now with T asleep, Angel asleep and me sitting up awake with a steadily worsening sore throat and flashbacks it isn't so easy. 

I went out today to top off the phobia ass kicking. I went to a supermarket and had a look round the clothing sale and I was okay. I had aconite in my system but no loraz! That's a huge achievement but I can't say I know how I'm doing it or how long it will last.

Tomorrow it could all crumble and fall apart.