Facing it - emetophobically triggering but not actually talking about it.

I think I'm ill ill. I feel it, it's been building for hours and I've been a little off for the last few days. I feel panicky, how wouldn't i if I feel ill? But I feel ill too even as I'm sipping drink it isn't sitting right. I have to keep scratching my nails down my arms, I don't know, in a form or contr or something. My rings have come off and I'm about to go change so if it does happen these clothes aren't cursed. 

I'm changed now and debating whether to take an antiemetic. I had a look for them but my husband has tidied them away somewhere. Walking made me feel worse. I'm incredibly dizzy so I'm now wondering if it's that. :/ 

My husband has given me something for my dizziness and I've managed a small biscuit. I'm very very dizzy. 

My husband offered to stay away from me, knowing that when I'm usually feeling panicky and especially unwell I always always hide even from him. Although I would hate for him to see me get 'poorly' I feel like I want cuddles. It sounds so small to put it like that but even on a low panic which used to be constantly, I couldn't have even him near me, not even in the same house if I could help it. Maybe I'm finally understanding that he will love me no matter what. 

The other thing is that in the 'olden days' I'd have fought if and rebelled but this time I just let myself feel what I felt, accepted it and put things in place in case. The same as a normal person might do I guess; getting dressed into more comfortable clothes, having a drink to sip. 

I'm going to sit and try and watch something now in the hope that I will feel better but if not, as scary as it is and it sounds, I know I can cope.