A long weekend

This weekend starting Friday was a bit stressful in places. Kardi came over Friday afternoon which meant I had to watch what I ate and was on edge. He didn't leave until nearly Angel's bedtime and although I had a nice time with him, I was nervous and jittery. T brought P over on the way home from work and we had some dinner together, watched step-up 2 and just relaxed, had fun, and chatted about the day after when she would be meeting R for the first time in person. I was more than happy to help and we ended up staying up very late talking about the day after, all the things she was scared of and anything that might help. I gave her some aconite to help her sleep then I went off to bed, feeling absolutely exhausted and drained and not looking forward to my alarm going off in the morning. 

Saturday morning T was up with Angel a an hour or so before I got up and then P got up around 9 which is a lot earlier for her but she wanted time to get ready. She was very very anxious and T and I did all we could to calm her down including lots of talking and encouragement, more aconite and even a quarter of a lorazapam, (I have never given my meds out before but I knew it was barely anything, wouldn't get her addicted and that this day, this meeting was one of the most important things that had happened in her life so far and I wanted it to go as smoothly as it could). In the end she went and I was so guilty for 'making' her in case it went bad or she didn't like him in person or something. We were running late on going out but it was worth it and we went out about 11 for a trip to the retail park to get Angel and me some new socks and slippers and to look for a new coat for me and T. I was very very nervous after a bad nights sleep and lots of anxiety and worry, but I made myself go out and do it. 

Angel really started to play up towards the end of the shopping trip, even though it was only about an hour, it was her lunch time and she was hungry and tired from getting up early. While we were out P called me and said she was feeling really bad and I gave her some phone support then she braved it and went back out to him, I couldn't have been prouder of her, she is amazing and brave. 

We got home and had lunch, I had safe lunch, not knowing what would be happening the rest of the day and I was glad of it when my closest friend L text me to ask if it was okay to come an stay here for a little while. I'm not going into details on here, but we were more than happy for her to come stay and we then spent the rest of the afternoon plowing through tidying and cleaning the dining room, making it ready to be used as a bedroom best we could in a few hours with a toddlers 'help'. I was beginning to get all worried about P when it got to 6 at night and we STILL had heard nothing from her, we were just hoping that she was having such a great time that she hadn't thought to look at her phone and we were right. She got back at about half past 6 with a massive grin on her face and when we got Angel in bed she told us all about it and I squealed and bounced and happy danced for her, it was a major success and she was so grateful we'd 'made' her go. 

L arrived after P had finally had some food (her ad R hadn't eaten all day!), we showed her to her room and then her and her mum went back out to get some food while T took P home and I caught up with the housework and took 5 mins outside just to breathe. 

I spent the rest of the evening putting together a knitted mouse I'd made and chatting to L and T while I worked. It was a nice evening but another late one and then a bad nights sleep again. 

This morning L got a call from her mum to tell her that she'd found her somewhere better suited and more permanent to stay so she packed up again. It was lovely having her to stay, we'd all enjoyed it but it wasn't the best long term option with all our pets and the limited space in that room, especially with Angel getting up early and waking L up! 

L went again with her mum while she was still in the area and although I was feeling a bit panicky again we went out to get me some more aconite and look around for a new coat for me as I have nothing even vaguely waterproof. We parked the car up and I didn't want to get out but I reasoned that it was better to get out and try looking round and have to go back to the car, than to sit in the car and not try at all. I got out and held Angel's hand and we found the aconite, although there was no offer on and it's quite expensive so we only got one. 

We came out of the shop and I had a quick glance around outfit for a coat, very quickly establishing that it was all vastly overpriced and nowhere near as good as it should be for the money. I wanted to go down to TK Maxx which was the shop at the very bottom of the shopping park and our car was parked at the other end nearly. Usually we would all get into the car and move it nearer or if I was feeling confident enough I would walk down with Angel and T would move the car. Today however, I don't know, I felt..okay I guess and we all walked down together, leaving the car where it was. I felt okay and we looked around and the leap of faith paid off, I found a gorgeous coat which is warm, has a hood, matches me and my wierdo style and was well enough priced for me to get. Angel was really playing up by this point again and I told T to take her back to the car and that I would pay and catch up. I got in the queue, and refused to panic and paid then walked the length of the shops alone to get to the car. T was surprised but pleased with me and my unexpected bout of confidence, I did have a quarter of lorazapam this morning after a rough night again but I worked for it too, it wasn't just the meds, they only helped a little. 

This afternoon though, the lack of sleep and the tiny amount of loraz, mixed with some warm lunch and some choccy biscuits and I was exhausted and almost falling asleep on my knitting again so T sent me to bed. I ended up sleeping a few hours and feel a bit better for it now. 

I'm not really looking forward to being on my own with Angel tomorrow, just because of how busy and social the weekend has been. I kinda feel lonely. I'm sure if me and Angel don't wind each other up we can look after each other and have a nice time though, especially with the dining room being so tidy, I could set up the whole of her happy land in there for her, she would love that! I may do that, be fun for me too and take my mind of this building depression. 

I'm hoping to get some writing done now, either for my other blog or for my book, I just need to lose myself in fantasy land to drive the blues away.