After my last blog and at the request of a friend I opened up completely to T and we spoke a little more about what we should do about my mood. That night he helped me with some hypnotherapy and I felt I went into it really well, apparently I was in it throughout a fight between the rats and didn't even stir. I got that out of body feeling and everything went numb. T also got me started on my PTSD workbook again and it refreshed the bridging and thought labeling in my mind again and with his full support I've been working on it the last 3 days and there is a very visible difference. Yesterday T went into work for a while and I stayed home and looked after Angel. I did have one point where I lost it a little but after some thought labeling and a break from her for a few moments we were both in better moods and we carried on better again. It was still hard just getting through every hour, they seemed to drag and hurt much more than they should and my appetite was nonexistent. I didn't have the confidence to even try going out so I decided to stay in and just try to cope without putting more pressure on me.
By the end of the day I felt worn down and tired but once Angel was in bed I made time for myself and had a lovely long shower where I took my time to wash my hair and just wind down. I still felt a little on edge but I did the work from my book and then I tried to do some writing for my novel but didn't get far before my body was exhausted but my mind wasn't at all ready for sleep - a very bad combination. We decided to go to bed but instead of going to sleep we (nope didn't do anything rude) I spent some time watching T play a game, I have always found this past time relaxing, I used to watch my mum and dad play on the Sega as a child and then I used to go to Kardi's house to watch him play his games and I just found it relaxing and fun. So that helped me more than I could have believed and I went to sleep feeling panicky but happier.
I woke part way through the night and went downstairs as I was feeling very panicky but once I finally settled down again I slept better and woke up slowly to the sound of Angel singing to the TV while T cuddled me, what better way to wake up.
I felt more confident and had a good breakfast then I just stepped up to being the mummy and went into mummy mode. T went upstairs to do his work and I looked after Angel on my own including going for a walk to the post box and the park and throughout I stayed calm even in terms of panic I used my thought labeling and my bridging and despite being anxious was okay. Me and Angel walked hand in hand and talked and discussed everything around us which was lovely and helped a lot.
(Just been rambling on to T about our walk, there were so many little things that were lovely about it).
I had a few times where I got a stressed and frustrated but I managed to keep them under control an I had no urges to self-harm for the first time in weeks! Today has been better, I'm hoping I'm on an upwards trend and can continue to be the person I want to be.
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