Trying

After my last blog post which was very negative, I've told T how I'm feeling and I've been slowly pulling my mind back, I have had a nasty sore throat and strangely feeling poorly has actually helped me feel a bit better mentally. I just hope it won't come back bad again when I'm feeling better. 

Feeling poorly has had the negative affect of me not really going out though. Yesterday T took Angel for a walk to the post office to post a parcel of mine, I walked a little way with them but not far at all. Today I haven't even been outside the front door except to put things in the bin. I don't know whether it's just another excuse for me, seeing as I was so keen to take Angel into town this week to look round for Yule presents. I know my lorazapam intake has gone up again, but I'm managing some things I never dreamed of doing and on no meds. 

Tomorrow morning we have to go food shopping and in some ways I'm looking forward to it, to getting to go out with T and Angel. Last week I was a bit of a nervous wreck but I did it and despite the anxiety, I enjoyed it. I'm hoping that a good night's sleep tonight and wake up feeling able tomorrow. I need to sort myself out so that I can help a lot because with T's knees being bad, he can't push the trolley. 

Last night I was rudely awoken by the feel of cold water dripping on my head, when I'd woken up enough to actually see what was going on, I realized that it was the ceiling that was dripping. I woke T up and we had to get dressed and sort out the leakage in the loft. It involved lots of cold water, balancing in high scary places, carrying heavy buckets of grotty water around and up and down stairs and me having a Huge panic attack throughout.