Where am I going?

Today starts of positive, I got my self together and took Angel out to pick up a prescription for T and then to the small park for her to play on her scooter for a while then we walked to the post office to get T some stamps. I was a nervous wreck in there, especially because I was waiting for ages because of the amount I needed to get. I made it through some how though, with the help of Angel for a distraction. I then walked home slowly and T made me have some lunch with him and Angel, if he hadn't made me something, I doubt I'd have eaten little more than a yogurt or a few crisps.

I'm not trying to starve myself, I just seem to have lost my appetite. Although I am hoping that all this not eating will have the effect of taking some of my weight from my tummy and hips. I keep wanting to go and check the scales to make sure that it's coming off but from past experience that's a bad habit to get into.
I either don't feel hungry or I skip the hungry feeling and go straight to the feeling poorly feeling which makes me less inclined to eat. Maybe it's just a phase that I'm going through, it wouldn't be the first time and with the Winter definitely here I'm extra nervous about germs and such.
I do seem to be developing a sore throat though so I guess it could be down to that, I'm exhausted as well tonight and I can't be bothered with anything. I've had to take a tablet for my dizziness and now I'm blasting music in my ears to try and curb the depression which is slowing coming on. I still can't get the idea of self-harm from my head and in some ways I'm anticipating the event which triggers the self-harm so I can have an excuse to do it. I actually hate that I just wrote that, I have been doing so well and in some ways I still am, today on no loraz! it's almost a let down to write that down here. That I'm still the same fucked up person underneath all the false confidence and self-belief.

I thought that I might lose myself in some writing to help me feel better but my new book isn't getting as much attention and likes as I thought it would. There are only a limited amount of people even reading it and I feel like whats the point. But I guess that that would mean that I write for my fans and not for myself. The question is... If I stop now, will I always wonder what happened to those characters? What happened in the end of their story, did they even survive, the answer to that is no, no I couldn't leave it be, it is my story to tell and they don't deserve abandonment. I just need to keep in my mind fuck everyone else, I do this for me, to help me, for the friends in my head that are always with me. I'm on the verge of sounding completely mad now so I think I'll leave it there and go pay a visit to my friends and see what I can do about getting their story out.