Pushing the boundaries and finding solutions

I spent a few hours last night sitting awake while T slept beside me, just thinking to myself. Going through things in my mind. I got to thinking about the phobias and the methods that can be used to help them. As a spur of the moment thing I looked up my doulas number from when I had Angel and text her asking if she knows any hypnotherapists as I've always thought maybe its worth a go, I've never tried before and I'm willing to try anything. Only problem will be finding the money. Anyway she text back and said that she does have someone she knows that she trusts completely and whos a qualified hypnotherapist and trained in CBT.
We called her this morning and we're waiting for a call back. Needless to say as silly or naive as it might be I feel asleep feeling a little more positive, like maybe there is hope for me.

This morning T was supposed to be working, but I just wanted to go out for a while. I took half a lorazapam and we went out in the car to the post box, then the dentist where I forced myself to go in alone and pick up my prescription myself. I had to wait a bit longer than expected but I did it and I didt use my elastic bands. We went from there to a big shoe warehouse and I didnt panic there either, despite T going off alone for most of the time and leaving me with Angel to look after while I looked round a large distance from the car without the keys. We then went to Boots to pick up the prescription and a few other dental related things. I was panicking by the time we got there but I think it was more motion sickness from not eating much all morning than anything else. I took some aconite and forced myself out of the car and into the shop, focussing on Ari, on the sounds in the shop, the feel of things in my hands, nice smells. By the time we came out of the shop after getting everything and me not having to escape before that I was calm again.

Now I'm going to have a go at doing some things from the PTSD workbook, although it feels far to indepth and just out of my range of patience or attention span at the moment. Even writing isnt holding the same attraction. I just seem to be brooding and moping or tryinto to stay awake.

Hopefully the hypnotherapist will get back to me later for a consultation and I can find out if she thinks she can help me or not. Fingers and all other body parts crossed.