Depressed and pointless

This morning's goal was to do the shopping on my own with Angel. I decided to take it a step up from a small and easier super market, to a huge one with a library there are part of the establishment. I didn't feel that nervous about it, i got my list got things ready and we went out. When we got there I didn't mess about or delay I just got Angel into a trolley and we went in and started. By being very careful with what I brought and the prices of things I managed to only spend 35.00 rather then the usual 90 something. Angel and I had some fun zooming up and down the isles when we reached an empty one. Angel also thought a great game was to tickle me whenever I was pushing the unruly trolley. Her smiles and giggles were infectious and I didn't feel very anxious if i did at all. I enjoyed it and for a while i didn't feel so depressed. After we'd payed and got the shopping into the car, I took Angel into the library and she chose some books and looks at loads, trying out all of the seats. Then a very big, very rowdy family came in and we decided to head home anyway as it was very nearly Angel lunch time and she was getting hungry and I was starving.

So a successful morning.

I feel anything but successful now however. Angel is having her nap and I have been looking for jobs. I honestly don't really want to work but unfortunately T has opened me up to the money issues and us having no back up. I've had nightmares about money for a few nights, looking in our accounts to find there is nothing and we really need to get some food for Angel. I really wish that my work at home would kick off, but I know it wont. I'm thinking that when my listings on Etsy run out, I won't renew them. I've stopped making things, I just don't see the point in wasting time. I have also stopped writing, I just feel like giving up. I cant do anything to help with anything and I hate myself so so much. I'm so angry that I can't contribute. I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be, but now I feel lost and a failure.
Funny I was always told growing up that I'd need a 'proper' job to earn money and I always believed I could do it my way, sell things I made, get my writing recognized. I'm 23 not a day dreaming child any more and I think I need to grow up and get a proper career even though I despise the idea.