Exhausted

Tonight I feel completely worn out and exhausted. I suppose it's after all the stress and upset of last night.


This morning Angel and I went to the retail park. T parked in the car park and went off into the cafe to do his work on the WiFi while Angel and I went in almost every shop there. I stayed calm and relaxed even when I was a long distance from the car. When we had finished shopping and looking at the animals in the pet shop we walked to the resteraunt and sat down with T while he got ready to leave. I felt comfortable enough that if we'd have had the money to buy lunch there I would have eaten in the resteraunt happily.


Money is a big issue right now. I might be making it bigger than it is but for me it's big. I've spent today worrying and stressing about it, thinking that i could do weekly sales to sell my stuff and earn more, problem with that being it isn't the right climate for it, with everyone being low of money too. So I'm left feeling like a failure that I can't bring money in and everything I do it worth nothing and pointless.  So here I am thinking, kitting, earns nothing, pointless, painting, earns nothing, pointless, writing, earns nothing, pointless, card making, earns nothing, pointless, jewellery making, earns nothing, pointless. ........ There's a trend there. I feel so disappointed in myself that I have no qualifications, I have nothing to show for anything and I'll never be anyone. What's the point in being able to do things that get me nowhere? 


I am definitely falling into if I haven't already fallen to the depths of depression again. The cycles are less extreme but they still are. 


Tomorrow's goal is to do the weekly food shop alone with Angel, T will be in the building, in the cafe working just in case, but I will be for the first time shopping alone with my little girl. Right now I'm a little excited, probably because it feels like a useful thing to do and I love being out and about with my Angel. I might take her to the library too depending on how long shopping takes and where we go to do it. 
I don't know how I'll feel about it in the morning but for now I will wallow in the nicest feelings I can.