The Weekend Begins

Yesterday I was too busy working my ass off trying to finish T's mum's scrap-book birthday preset.
My goal ended up being messed up again as T couldn't wake me up for hours. When I was actually able to be woken I was out of it and couldn't get my brain working properly. So my new goal apart from actually managing to move around was to go with T shopping to get this weeks food so me and Angel wouldn't have to do it over the weekend while T is away. I managed to travel there okay on half a lorazapam although it didn't feel like it was having much affect at all really. We went inside and I did half the shop before feeling it was getting too much and I wanted to go out to the car. I didn't got to the car however, I made myself stay inside the shop and looked at the books and stationary and magazines near the door. Then once T and Angel were at the checkout I walked back down into the main shop to join them and entertain Angel (who was so glad to see me again she threw herself into my arms, turning me to goo) while T packed the stuff into bags and paid.
T came to the decision that he would definitely, unless something went wrong over night or something, be going to Norfolk to visit his family tomorrow (today) for two nights.

So knowing I only had yesterday left I worked my ass off getting the scrapbook finished off, through Angels nap and when she went to bed, for hours. We manged to get most done with T working on the lettering while I embellished but he has had to take a few bits to finish there.

Today the goal was to go to a craft store to get some replacement blades and accessories for my Cricut machine after we used to buggery out of it last night, i was very slow starting again after a very bad night with feeling icky and panicky and having to stay up and fight sleep because of how bad I felt, then sleeping on the sofa with my achy hips. We did go in the end after I'd had a shower to wake me up some more. But they didn't sell what we wanted, but I did get out so that was a win in itself.

Once it was agreed that T would be going (Friday) today I don't know, my mind snapped into place and I just felt, okay i have to do this, i can do this. I have people to help me if it gets hard ** And a HUGE thank you to those people, you know who you are** Even if we don't manage to go out we can do some fun things and just spend time together, eating what we like :) I brought a few over indulgent desserts from shopping yesterday to get me through the evenings when Angel is asleep and I'm alone :)

It's quarter past two now and Angel is having her nap. T went out about twelve and me and Angel had our lunch. For a dessert I gave Angel a yogurt and she got into a big mess so I said, "Would you like a bath?" she replied "Yeah, Yeah Yeah!!!" while jumping up and down, so that was settled. I asked her if she would like to take her dolly in with her and she was overjoyed and gave the same response, She's never had a bath with dolly before but I thought what the hell, she'll love it. She did and I got some gorgeous photos of Angel cuddling and feeding her dolly bubbles for her lunch :D She makes me laugh so much. After I'd gotten Angel out and dry she insisted on helping me dry baby and put powder on her and dress her complete with nappy. Then I decided I had better get some of the housework done before she had her nap and Angel helped me unload the washing machine, shake the newly made bottles up, handing me washing to hang up on the airers then getting her own little washing up bowl and sponge to wash up her kitchen things while I washed up our lunch things.

Now she's happily sleeping in her cot and I am having some time to do what I like, My writing has lost out because of me being busy with the present for T's mum so think I'll get back into it over the weekend and do some more kitting too, try to finish my little pink mouse I'm making :).

I still have the worries in my mind of what if I'm not well and need help, what is Angel or one of the cats need emergency help. But i guess i just need to push those into the back of my mind and trust that my instincts will kick in and serve me well if something bad were to happen.

The other worry is that because I seem to be a lot more anxious at the moment and have taken a slight turn for the worse that I won't be able to take Angel out all weekend. Fingers crossed I'll be able to, even if it is just for a walk. And the last worry is that I wont be able to wake up for Angel because of the meds, but I guess I'll just have the monitor on as high as it goes ans trust my mummy instincts to kick in when or if she needs me.

Part of me is terrified but a part of me is actually excited. I suppose to find out if i can really do this on my own. I will be so impressed if I manage it well including going out and staying calm and not loosing my temper.