Monday (yesterday) it was a wet and manky day outside but I wanted to at least walk to the post box. I took the bread with me in case we were going to go further to feed the ducks and I got Angel into her waterproof suit. I dug out my wine coloured coat which is a little fitted and makes me feel a bit more attractive and I braved the horrible weather. I was feeling very on edge and a little ill because the nausea inducing heartburn from the night before was back, not as bad and not with the hiccups but it was there. I'm surprised I went out at all with it to be honest. From the post box, Angel told me she wanted to feed the ducks but it was very wet and I knew I wasn't up to that so I suggested to her that we go see K and Phia for a short visit.
When we arrived I was quite nervous but I kept thinking that if I did feel ill that K wouldn't think that I'm disgusting or recoil from me. I realized part way through the visit that I wasn't only panicky and feeling a bit iffy, I was also in a bad mood. Its rare for me to go into a bad mood for no reason but I was. We stayed about 45 mins they we headed home to start sorting lunch out.
Thankfully Angel had a nap in the afternoon which gave me some time to myself and by the time she woke up T was back home from work. I could feel myself falling towards depression but I kept myself as busy as I could.
I was feeling ill again in the evening with my tummy and K was going to come over for a while. I talked to her and decided that I felt comfortable with her coming over despite how I was feeling. I managed to keep myself from feeling too bad and by the time she went home I was okay again, until I went to bed then it all came back and I had a lot of disturbed dreams.
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Today I haven't been out. I was still feeling iffy when I woke up this morning but KR was due to come over so I just have to deal with it, I couldn't let him down again. I was feeling quite bad and when he got here the feeling got worse and I began to panic so I ended up taking a quarter of a lorazapam to help and text K which also helped me. We played with Angel and while I was making her lunch I hid in the kitchen and ate mine, or forced myself to eat for my blood sugars sake. Then when Angel went to have her nap, KR and I watched a zombie movie for research for my next book and we laughed at how silly the people were and I had a coffee and some biscuits in front of KR. When the movie finished we sat on the sofa and just chatted about all sorts and he helped me with some ideas for my next novel. By the time I got Angel up I was feeling very positive and excited about some new project ideas.
Tomorrow T is out all day again and it is our anniversary of our summer wedding. We were planning to do something in the evening but I doubt we will now.
I need to try to get out if only up to the post box, so I'm hoping this heartburn, sickly feeling will pass overnight and leave me free from it tomorrow.
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