Today my goal was to go to pick up the photos we ordered yesterday. Here come the excuses: I took my new dose of mood stabalisers last night and the last bit was taken too late and I had major problems waking up so I ended up asking T to take me and Angel over there in the car as it had gotten so late and here's another excuse: I'd eaten too much to be able to go alone and walk. I'm so full of them.
This afternoon I wasn't too bad, I did my writing and enjoyed it, I was looking forward to playing with Angel and to doing some scrap booking tonight. Then I decided to text my sister to see why she hadn't been bothering with us. We hadn't spoke since we had an argument over 3 weeks ago. I'd text her in that time and had limited response back so gave up. Today i wanted it out of her, especially after having lots of disturbing nightmares about mum and her again.
So I've been having a text argument for the past few hours with her about mum about her about everything really. How I 'play' on my mental issues, how everything about our childhood is all made up. etc etc. She's now resorted to using mums blackmailing, guilt tactics on me. I'm so confused right now. I could believe it's mum texting.
I'm confused so i think ill stop here. I dont know what is real and isnt or what i made up. Probably all of it. I dont understand.
(Lucky I copy and pasted. It knocked me out for a third time thanks to word press!)
ReplyDeleteBoo - I just wrote a comment and it disappeared! I shall remember to c&p this before pressing publish. Aha, lesson learnt for the day.
I'll start from the top this time anyway.
Regarding going out, don't beat yourself up. It is entirely possible that the medication IS responsible. You upped your dose and it is going to make your more sedated, and even those who have been on it for years will struggle to be not groggy for 12 hours after taking it.
Even if you hadn't upped your meds, it's okay not to be okay sometimes and to ask for that help. You have given yourself a lot of challenges lately and sometimes we need a day off!!
I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your sister. Do you think that some of this could be brainwashing from your Mum, if she is still with her?
With regards to making this up, I do not think you have made this all up at all and I certainly do not think you play on your mental health. If anything, you seem to try and keep your struggles hidden from the world and keep it an internal battle so as not to trouble others.
However, I can relate to feeling whats real/what's not in the moment.
Lots of love to you xxx
Thank you for your reply. You always make me feel much better.
ReplyDeleteAs for my sister being brainwashed by mum I think your right, I think she is.
Thank you thank you.
You're lovely xxx <3