A disaster

After Angel had been poorly on Monday afternoon we thought that she would be okay, that it was most likely her getting herself wound up, although I never believed that. She had a slice of toast and went to bed okay. She was okay the next morning and I made a chicken soup for a light lunch. When she was tired enough for a nap we put her in her bed but she kept crying and holding her tummy. I left her in her room and stayed upstairs to reassure her over the monitor then her crying changed. It was a horrible terrified desperate. I rushed in and found her covered in the thing I'm scared of. I sat her up and stood with her through more, while calling out for T.

Well I dealt with it and then cleaned up everything while T bathed her. I couldn't walk right for shaking and I couldn't erase it from my mind. Later on she was sick again and that's when I couldn't pretend anymore., it was definitely a bug and I'm most likely to get it.

I closed off Tuesday night, stopped eating and talking and just went to bed. I was woken at 4 the next morning not feeling very well and I came downstairs in a state. I felt very ill all morning, T took Angel for a walk and I slept then I slept on and off until it happened. It being me being sick. I shut myself in the bathroom alone and woke up about an hour and a half later on her floor. Everywhere hurt a lot, I ached everywhere and my tummy had shooting pains. They lasted all day and even now havnt gone completely. T hasn't been well either, he hasnt been sick as far as I know but few had all the other symptoms and felt sick.
Today I'm not as achey, I have a sure throat and still very very sensitive tummy.
T said yesterday that I was doing so well considering the big bad had happened but I just explained to him that I was feeling too ill to know how I felt mentally.

The truth to how I'm feeling is crippled with terror. Terrified of being with Angel in case she gets ill again, terrified of her eating or going to bed In case it happens again. I'm scared of my daughter. I'm scared of how I feel, scared I'm going to be ill again, scared of how ill ever eat properly again, or go out. This to me feels like the end of the world and I can't see anyway back from here. All my work since Feb erased in 3 days. Who knows when I feel well enough to do something about it.