This morning I woke up to a big challenge that we'd been talking about doing for a long while but never seemed to get around to it for one reason or another. I really didn't think I was going to be able to do it, but I got the bags all ready and concentrated on Angel then it was time to go out the door. I decided that I would at least go and watch, but took my stuff anyway.
We arrived and I was so unsure about even getting out of the car, but Angel wanted to hold my hand so I indulged her and went with them into the large building and let T pay for us all. There were two flights of stairs to get to the vending machines then through some double doors and into the changing rooms. As soon as Angel saw the pool she was jumping up and down and grinning about going swimming. I loved seeing that happiness on her face and I pushed my fears down and started getting her changed so she could go in the water. T and Angel we in first while I took myself into a cubicle and got changed myself. I was feeling lightheaded from the warmth of the room and very very panicky about going in the pool. As I got changed I thought about some safety things I could put into place. I decided to leave my towel on the bench by the side of the pool with my drink there and an 'emergency bag' hid inside, in case I was feeling panicky and needed a drink or if I was too far gone to get to the toilets and could grab the towel and its bits and hide in a changing room. I also kept the key for the locker and arranged it so it would be easy to get my emergency things.
With all of that in place I went out of the changing area to find Angel and T who were playing in a shallow part of the pool, already smiling and having fun. I got in and was surprised to find the water was quite cool, or I was very hot before I got in. I tried to enjoy myself but felt very very on edge and panicky and ended up getting back out to grab a drink of juice. I sipped it and watched all the people playing in the water, all the families and young children and I just wanted to be with family. I closed my drink, made sure my towel was safe and went back into the pool. They'd gone a little further into the pool, round the corner and it was stressful trying to cope but I did, by the time I'd been there playing with Angel a little while I relaxed a little and began to enjoy myself. I swam and played and even went down the rapids several times, in the deep part of the pool, went off on my own with Angel and even when she swallowed some water and had a coughing fit, although I panicked thinking that she would be sick, I didn't run away and I let it drop as soon as she was okay so the experience wasn't ruined.
We played in the pool for about an hour before Angel started getting cold and I was getting nasty rumbles in my tummy. We got out and got dry and dressed then we all had a snack on the way back to the car. We decided that seeing as we were already at the edge of town parked up, we may as well take a walk in and have a quick look in a few shops as well as get lunch.
Town was almost empty and it was very nice to walk round, although admittedly I was nervous again. We took a scenic walk in and then T wanted to go and get some coffee from starbucks and I decided to go into another shop on my own despite the anxiety to have a look for some new earrings. I couldn't find any that I liked enough to pay nearly 10.00 for but I did spot some pretty tiaras and magic wands on one side of the shop and they were beautiful. I decided to get a wand and tiara for Angel for her birthday, then the lady working there told me they were all on 3 for 2 including all the Peppa Pig stuff so I had a look and found a beautiful Peppa Pig jewelry set with a necklace, ring and bracelet in and I just know she will love them.
I spotted a beautiful bag on the wall next to the jewelery and I went to investigate. It is pink and black with skulls and I fell in love with it immediately. I checked it over to make sure it had pockets for all my safety bits and bobs then dithered about buying it. I came to the conclusion that I very rarely buy myself anything and I've been through a lot just lately, so maybe I deserve a little present? T was over the moon that I had brought something for myself and I was surprised.
The afternoon kind of dwindled away with me falling asleep on my knitting like an old lady (although it was because of the 1mg loraz side affects).
Now I have my beautiful new bag ready for going out, Angels bag ready and I have finished knitting and piecing together the teddybear and now I'm onto the clothes, shoes are complete and top part of dress, now for the skirt and bag, and to be finished by Friday night. Oh yes and I need to make her cake!!! Busy week ahead I think.
No comments:
Post a Comment