Strong Person Award

Award Rules 

So, this is a little something different than usual, lets start with the rules.

1. Make sure to add in the above text and image (below) to spread the love and add how little or how much you want!
2. Name your diagnoses – Stand loud and proud! You can tell us a little about them also if you’d like. How you’re affected by these diagnoses and how you are fighting your way out of them.
3. Add a photo of yourself, or some abstract picture that represents you, anything you like!

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Thank you so much Lucy for nominating me for this award, It means a lot to me and I believe you are an amazing strong person. 

Soo, my diagnosis;

Emetophobia - I copied some of this description from Lucy herself, I couldn't have put it better. 

This is a phobia of being sick. I know many people will say, “Nobody likes being sick”. This is true, nobody likes to be sick but equally people that aren’t emetophobic will only take reasonable precautions to avoid it like not eating raw chicken or out of date foods. 

For me and other emetophobics, it is much more severe. Often I will not leave the house and I eat only foods I consider to be “safe”, Including no bright colours or strong tastes. I can quite easily say that I would rather die than be sick, that is how severe it can be. The emetophobia causes more problems than any of my other diagnosis’ because it stops me from doing “normal” things and it feeds into all the other problems I have, stoking and fueling them and keeping my going round and round in a vicious circle. Everywhere I go I fear touching something that someone who has a bug has touched, fear eating something that isn't right, fear catching things from everywhere and when I do get ill I close off completely and I feel disgusting, like there are parasites moving around inside me and I can't get away from myself. Emetophobia is inescapable, unlike heights, insects, certain colours or food etc, Sickness is all around us everyday, it dominates our lives and it is ALWAYS a risk. 

OCD ~ I was diagnosed with this first along with depression and panic disorder, when I was forced to drop out of school due to not being able to cope being there. I hid the emetophobia for another ten years after that, feeling disgusting just for having it. The OCD used to rule my life a lot more than it does now, when I was about 11 I began to grow out of it a little and now unless i let it get out of control, it isnt too bad. Also I've found letting it lose on things that I can't get obsessed about like sorting coloured beads can help it. 

PTSD ~ I have PTSD from every time I have ever vomited or seen someone vomit. From the very first time I was sick in school and it was all over the lunch tables and even the dinner ladies called me disgusting and moaned about having to clean it up, to when I was older and was sick all over the kichen floor and my mum was pregnant and slipped in it and then lost the baby. To now, only a few weeks ago when we had something that went through the family. Something i am still struggling to come back from and cope with. 

The other element of my PTSD came about from the pregnancy and birth of my little girl. 2 years ago this Saturday coming. I'm not as bad as I was but at one time the flashbacks kept me up at night screaming and just being in the bathroom where i gave birth to her was hard. I couldn't even look at a pregnant person, but thanks to a self help book I am now keeping it all under control and would say I am almost free of it, it only catches me out sometimes. 

Agrophobia and Panic disorder ~ These two come hand in hand and they are very closely linked to my Emetophobia, Its hard to say which came first. 

Bi-Polar ~ This is a recent diagnosis from my doctor, half a year ago. I knew I either had that or cryclothymia, but all the same it was a shock when it was confirmed and I was put on meds for it. 

This picture to me, reminds me of one of my hypnotherapy sessions I do frequently and it is one of my favorite places; the beach. To me this represents a type of freedom, not from my problems but a place where I can be alone with them so their hold over my is lessened and I can have even a tiny taste of freedom. 

Currently I'm on a few medications to help with my OCD, depression, anxiety and bi-polar, but aside from that I'm having no help from any outside source. 

I work hard at bridging, pushing, trying to be brave, visulisation, self hypnotherapy, and positive thinking. 

Thank you for the nomination again, and thank you for reading all about my madness! :D