Pushing

Last night I spent most of the evening up a ladder with a scraper and spray bottle working on stripping the hallway of the old woodchip which has been here since before T moved in 11 years ago. We never intended tk stay here more than 5 years after we got together but here we are over 6 years later still here, not our fault but honestly the house is a nice one really, large rooms and although the area has gone downhill and the galley kitchen is a pain its our home.

I had a shower after all my hard work and I did some hypno. It all made me very tired and although I still had vivid dreams, i slept okay.

This morning I knew I NEEDED to go out today,especially if theres to be any hope of me going through with the dentist tomorrow. I took a quarter of a loraz and did the morning how we usually do, slow, taking our time for me to warm up to the going out idea and feel more prepared for it. It was 2 hours later by the time I managed to even feel close to being able to and even then I didn't think I'd get far. T set me the task of just popping to the post box and if I felt I could, to go to a nearby shop (one of them) and get some bread.

I really didn't want to take Angel out, she used to relax me but now she's another reason to worry. I put her in the stroller and we went outside. It was windy which was quite refreshing although Angel hates the wind. We got to the post box and posted the letter then we walked back down towards home but the longer way round. At the left turn for home I carried on though to go out onto the main road round the corner and attempt to get bread. I was very anxious and stepping around the corner realised that I was totally in the open, the very busy road and shops and not even any crannys or entries to hide in. So instead if turning back I just thought well I can't be ill then,no where safe to be and went Into the shop. I was in a state enough that I didn't see the bread at first and walked around a little aimlessly with Angel asking for sweeties. I found it and brought some bread and batches then didn't feel like treating myself but wanted to get a treat for Angel so I got her some nice crisps for later or tomorrow. I felt calmer coming out and decided to take the busy main road home. Angel didn't approve she hates all the traffic noise but I felt not fine but okay.

This afternoon I've been working my butt of on finishing the teddy bear I'm making Angel and T is working in the dining room. Tonight the battle for confidence will take place and then tomorrow I will fidgets crossed be able to go through with Dentist and get it out the way so I can enjoy my weekend then Angels birthday next week.