Dear mum

Dear mum,

I couldn't help thinking about you today as I took Angel out to the post box and for a walk. Yes you read Right, I'm taking Angel out. I even went on a bus for the first time yesterday. Of course I know you'd be upset that Im not doing enough, nothing was ever good enough for you, I was never good enough. That's the biggest difference between you and T; he's encouraging and grateful for anything I achieve even if its only trying but not completely succeeding.

Whether you'd be angry or upset I'm going out, I've been out every day for over two weeks now,pushing the boundaries and going further every time. No matter what, Angel always comes first, no matter how I feel or what I want to do,that is to me what being a mother is about. I never believed I could love another person apart from T so completely, but Angel is my sun, I do everything for my family and they appreciate every thing I do. It's a wonderful feeling and one I'd never felt until I broke away from your hold. It makes me even more confused about the way you treated me when I look back, how you could have done and said the things you did, and how you can not see anything wrong with your actions.

S has probably told you but I'm now a published author. I'm actually proud of myself for the first time in my life. I wonder how it feels to know that since I severed contact with you, I've done more than I ever did before, I've achieved things you never believed I could do and you never encouraged me to do. I hope it makes you feel horrible as selfish as that makes me sound. I wish you only knew how hard you've made my life and how pleased I am that I'm finally free of you, even with how much I miss you sometimes and how guilty you still make me feel. I did the best thing for me and my family and my only regret is that I didnt do it sooner.

From
Azrael