After such a successful day today and probably due to my generaly more upbeat mood, It's like my mind is opening to all the possibilities and all the ideas that I could do with Angel.
It started with me wondering what we should all do tomorrow, then I got onto thinking about how nice it would be to go ice-skating again (I used to skate a lot before my panic got worse) and how I could take Angel and teach her. I relaised that they have a toddler group where they have toys and things and it looks to be well priced too, it is mondays from 10.00 until 11.45. I really fancy going, but im quite afraid.
Maybe I'm jumping into things a bit soon, yes when I'm manic I feel I could do anything, maybe despite the new meds it's just that? I know I need lorazapam to do a lot of the things I want to do.
Just sitting here while I wait to feel tired enough to go to bed I've been thinkning through other places Angel and I could go, That we could go to other parent child groups, we could when I'm doing better travel on buses to get places and then maybe even trains. I don't feel so trapped by myself at the moment and the posibilities are flying at me at speed. I was even thinking about what it would be like to take Angel on holiday somewhere at some point. Of course I'd like to go as a family of all 3 of us but with the house move and things going on like T visiting his parents in a week or so, I like the posibility of taking Angel away. (I just know, or presume I'm not ready for it yet, or maybe I'm afraid of being ready for more?)
I think that I should take it slowly, like i have been doing, build it up gradually. I dont want to push it and have a bad experience and end up back where I was or worse. I have to admit I'm feeling a little afraid of the freedom, yes i want it and I'm grateful, but im not used to it and it scares me.
Tomorrow we are hoping to go somewhere to look at some computers and to a park where we can play with Angel. (Weather depending of course).
Maybe in the week once I know what T is working I can plan to go out a couple of times with Angel again, maybe to town or something, maybe further? As well as our little trips to the post box and our little walks which are always fun for both of us and unless I'm having a very bad time I try to push for further or at least just as far every time. There's a stay and play group for parents and toddlers at Angel's friends nursery every weekday morning. I had planned to start taking her a few days pf the week before but ended up talking myself out of it. I know how much she would love it, maybe I should try to go one day. Perhaps if i walk up there with Angels friends mum I might feel more comfotable with it.
My main goal, is to make Angel happy, to get her out of the house and advernturing. I think I'm achieveing it for now. I just hope I can keep it up, for her sake.
No comments:
Post a Comment