I accept

I accepted the challenge....
I gave Angel her bath then got her dressed and put the pushchair up. Once Angel was in the pram I knew unless there was a really good reason I'd have to take her out just up the road at least otherwise she'd bet very upset and confused. I got everything on the pram then left the house grabbing my earphones on the way. I started walking and I felt okay, so i kept going. We got to the big park where all the swans are and my tummy was feeling a little off beucase of not eating much earlier before coming out so we sat down where it was quiet, I gave Angel her snack and I had a few crisps and another quarter of lorazapam on top of the half id had just to give me the extra edge i needed. After sitting there for a while and texting a friend I decided to go. I plugged my earphones into my phone and turned on my panic talk program to keep me calm while I walked. I knew that the walk in would be the hardest part, it was quite busy and there were all different sounds and scents in the air. When we got into the actual centre I realised that there was loads of roadworks eveywhere and It was difficult to get around, which meant it would be difficult to escape and I questioned whether to go home there and then, then a man appeared and helped me up the steps with the puschair and I decided beucase he'd been so nice and I couldnt get back down the steps myself anyway I would go further into the building a little walk away which i know has toilets which acts as a temporary kinda safe space. Unfortinately after navigating the busy maze I realised that the toilets are closed up temporarily. So im stuck in the centre of town, unable to get in touch with my husband and with a baby to look after as well as myself, blocked in a maze of roashworks and lots of sounds and no toilets or safe spaces nearby. My mind attempted to panic but i decided seeing as i was there why not go into the shop a tiny distance away to look for my earrings. I lent down and ran my hands through Angels hair, feeling the soft strands and grounding myself ready for the battle. We got into the shop and looked around but there wasnt anything catching my eye and with all the colours and pretties, Angel wanted it all so we came back out. I then decided that the shop i wanted next wasnt far away at all and I suddenly felt calm. We walked through the maze to the shop and looked around and got what I wanted then came back out and went into a chemist and I decided to grab a few things we needed and to speak to the lady on the pharamacist about my skin and she showed me what products would be best and i payed, staying calm throughout.
I decided seening as I'd come this far I may as well go further and we went through a big shopping centre to the other clairs to look for earrings. It payed off and I found some gorgeous colourful button ones and some star ones that i loved. We then went a few streets down to Lush where I spoke to the lady and tried a spritz of the perfume I'm thinking of getting. Its lovely. We walked around town a bit from there just browsing in the shops and even the large indoor market. We both had a lovely time. Then on the way back out of town we went into Gregg's and brought lunch for us and for T. On the way home I ate a sausage roll and fed some to Angel. We stopped at the park again and had a sit down then I bit the bullet and let Angel play on the park they have there. It was fun, she loved it and I got some photos. Then T came to meet us and we walked home.

Overall we both had a lovely morning together doing 'normal' everyday things that a mummy would do with her daughter. It feels fabulous to be able to just have a normal day with my child.