Last night I put a plan in place. My goal was to go to town. So when I woke up this morning I took my aconite and had 3/4 of lorazapam. I then took my time getting up and I was still very groggy from my meds and a little dizzy. I decided to take an anti-dizzy tablet also to cover off that issue.
I got dressed into 'safe, non-challenging' clothes and went downstairs to get mine and Angel's bags ready for going out. I didn't eat very much breakfast, maybe a few crisps and a few spoonfuls of T's porridge but that's all. Once Angel had finished her breakfast and everything was ready it was just gone ten and later than I'd intended to get out but I went out at the same time as T was going out to work and I walked past the post box, posting letters to ease me into it, then on through the little park onto the main road, crossing over to go up the main street and then making the decision of whether to go left to look for a new shop that I've been told about or whether to go right past the big park to get to town. I decided on town.
We walked past the park and I kept calm and we got into town. I enjoyed the walk there more than I'd expected to and we went to get a few long sleeve tops for me first then into another shop to grab some things we needed like hair bands (with me and T having very long hair, we go through lots of them). I brought Angel a special fruit snack which she got a bit messy with but loved loads and wanted 'more'. From there we walked the long way round to a knitting shop I like to get some white and orange wool for a penguin I'm going to knit, I also couldn't resist getting some bright pink wool.
We then walked back around and through the market to another shop that sells all toys to look for a present for our niece who's 1st birthday is next week. I couldn't really see anything for her but Angel did find a tub of brightly colored bath ducks that she liked and as she's running out of bath toys i got them for her. It was nearly twelve by then and I knew I needed to get Angel home and get her some lunch so as I promised myself last night, if i went to town I would treat myself to a burger on the way home. So we went to McDonalds and Angel devoured a large amount of fries, and I nibbled a few then when we got home I scoffed two burgers. (I never eat that much usually!)
After lunch Angel was ready for her sleep and so was I. I got my laptop out and tried to do some writing but I was exhausted and ended up grabbing a red fluffy blanket and falling asleep beside the cot where Angel was sleeping. It took me a while to get going again when I woke back up but I feel much better for it now and it was so sweet to sleep beside Angel and wake up to her smiling at me saying 'mummy sleep' and giggling. She melts my heart, her newest thing is when you say 'i love you', she replies 'I love you too' and kisses me. Its sooooooo sweet.
I have no idea what tomorrow's goal is going to be. I managed to get some writing done finally tonight and feel it works fine, its a very dark chapter and I'm hoping it will have helped to get some of my dark mood out.
Right now I'm looking forward to spending the day with my little girl tomorrow. (and hoping my arms will stop feeling so bruised from the work in the garden yesterday).
Goodnight readers,
xxx<3xxx
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