I spent all night dreaming about my mum, her boyfriend and my sister. Finding myself in a situation where I was at their house and forced to get on with them while feeling terrified that they would hurt one of us, either mentally or physically. The feeling of being stuck in a very very awkward and scary situation with a child thats dependent on me and I don't even know how we got there. I never intended to speak to her again and now I have no choice. I was relieved when I woke up and realized that it had been a nightmare.
Last night i'd started to feel myself coming down from my manic phase and today I feel even lower. I'm having trouble not thinking about self-harm and actually doing anything. I don't even feel like setting a goal today, I don't want to try to go out. How can I fall so quickly? I feel so tired of everything mentally, I'm going to have to wait at least a week to go back up again now. I'm back in my quiet, depressed, anxious, fearful and terrified state of mind. The state of mind where I push everyone away.
I'm not sure what else to say now. My mind is all over the place but empty at the same time. I just feel like im numbing to everything, I have to appetite, no desires, no nothing. I am nothing.
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