Spring nicht

I'm not sure whats happened to me. I've gone from being at the top of the world to the bottom. I havn't been this low for a long time. All i can think about is how this is the end. I dont feel like I'll be here by the weekend, even by the end of tomorrow. Every minute is a struggle and I feel like I'm already giving up inside when I dont want to leave. I feel cold and everything is numbing. The only thing that's stopping me from self-harming or more now is that I'm alone with my daughter and I wouldnt do anything with her around.

I thought this was the dentist fear causing such destructive thoughts and such a low mood but when I think about how I'll feel when the dentist is over it doesnt look ay sunnier. I'm numb to the dentist now.
I don't feel like I'll even try to go to the dentist tomorrow, I feel like I've given up, there's no fight left in me. I dont feel like I'll be here by tomorrow night, I cant see anything ahead of how I feel now and how every moment drags on endlessly and I'm so tempted to feel pain, to feel something thats real.

Hopefully T will be home soon and I won't be alone. Hopefully the temptation will be less then.