A lovely day

**Apologies for things not making sense or grammar/spelling issues, I'm feeling really very tired**


This morning when I got up, I wasn't feeling too shiny, it took me a while to wake up and I was still feeling drowsy. My blood pressure was too low and so was my blood sugar. I made myself eat some food and took an anti-dizzy tablet and half of a lorazapam, because I knew I wanted to go out, or at least try to. 
T went out to work earlier than usual as he was working over an hour away from home. 


I decided to get our things together an go out, not bothered whether I only made it up to the post box, I have 0 expectations. I felt okay though, my main worry was that I would get the dizzy drowsiness back and feel horrible and need to get home quick without T there to come and rescue us. I walked to the post box, just because it's a safe check-point. Then we went through Daisy Park and out onto the main road. I tried to call the chemist to find out about my prescription but there was no answer so I decided to carry on along the road to the big park. In the park Angel and I took our time, we walked around looking at all the cygnets and ducklings and all the other birds, it was relaxing and I felt okay, so I continued on into town. 


I was quite edgy and anxious but I went goal to goal and didn't make any expectations. I made it to the shop to get my new white shoes and thought I was going to be very panicky but I managed to find and try on some shoes and pay and get out without freaking out. From there I wasn't sure I felt like going much further in so I went to a nearby shop and just looked around. I text my friend to let her know I'd made it into town after all and we arranged to meet up. We split up again for a while while I went to Lush to get some bits and bobs then we met up and we went shopping for ourselves, both needing a good distractions from our minds. We then went into a big clothes store and I don't know how I managed not to panic, I guess it was my meds but I'd only had half and was amazed that I was doing so well. I kept thinking, I can't believe I'm doing this. When you have lived the way I have, you take nothing for granted, even something as simple as shopping or walking. 


K was feeling anxious on the way out of town but I didn't like we both worried I might, I stayed calm and told her funny stories about ghost whales and things to keep her mind busy. We both made it home and I made Angel lunch, then she went for her nap while I finished sorting out the holiday clothes and got them packed into the bag (I had to sit on it and squash it but I did it). 


When T got home from work we'd planned for him to take Angel to the library to take the books back because they are due. Despite having scoffed about 6 or more biscuits and the lorazapam would barely be in my system still,  I felt like I would be okay to go and I surprised T by getting into the car and going with them. I surprised us both even more when we got there and wasn't bothered that we couldn't park nearby the entrance. I got out of the car, took hold of Angel's hand and we walked inside together. It was packed, with loads of school kids. I thought I would panic, but T suggested I go look at Angels books to choose some more for her and I walked over, right near the groups of children and sat down with Angel, feeling completely calm we choose her some books then had a long conversation with the lady behind the desk, she was asking about my work as an author and how interested Angel is in books. We went back out to the car and I was still feeling fine so I suggested to T that we go to get Angel some food on the way home, which was a detour. I did it, I even ate in the car some of Angel's food. 


Now I'm sitting here looking forward to mine and K's girly night tomorrow and feeling drowsy and happy about how the day went. 


Tomorrow I need to go out to the chemist to pick up my prescription and to the post office to post a parcel. Keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel up to it.