Today has been a very rainy day. Angel, T and I were supposed to be going out to help with a big clean up of the area which my friend had organised. T woke me up much earlier than I usually manage to wake up for, telling me that his knees were very painful and he needed me to get up and help. I reluctantly but valiantly dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to wake up. I was downstairs, putting washing on, making coffee and breakfast for everyone not fifteen minutes later. With T's knees being so bad he wasn't up to helping out on the clean-up and I wasn't feeling brave enough to go alone and felt like I was letting my friend down, but she was thankfully okay with it.
The rain thrashed down throughout a lot of the day so Angel and I didn't end up going out anywhere apart from to the shop to pick up some batches and some press-studs (I know, weird combo). I'd eaten before we went to the shop but I kept calm and managed it fine.
Angel was being a terror at lunch time and refusing to eat. She then began to purposely ignore me and I lost my temper and went upstairs to clean everything I could find while T looked after Angel while he worked. I cleaned Angel's floor, changed her bed, cleaned the tank in her room and the filter, cleaned out the tanks in our room and their filters, polished the surfaces, tidied up books and blankets and set up the cot for Angel's nap. I don't know why but I keep feeling the need to clean, which I guess is better then self-harming, although it burns far more calories.
The last thing I wanted to write about was my reoccurring ghost dream. ***Weirdo alert*** I've always seen things not many other people can -that's another story - but when I was at primary school late one night when I'd stayed back to help out with some things for a concert or group and walking past one of the classrooms, I spotted a girl standing near one of the desks, looking towards me. I backed up and took another look, to find there was no one there. After the first time I saw her, I saw her around the same area, near the swimming pool and in the changing rooms and classrooms next to them various times. I always felt prickly and very aware when I was in that area of the school. I hadn't really thought about it after I left over 12 years ago but then two nights ago I dreamt of the little girl standing in the corridor near the swimming pool, staring at me, I was walking past with a friend and she was just watching out into the pool area. I realised that she'd tempted a child into the pool and he was drowning under the pool cover, unable to get out and he wasn't the first one she'd killed. Time snapped again and I was standing there alone and there was no one drowning but I knew she was still there. From somewhere, the knowledge that she'd been killed by a teacher and either buried under the where the swimming pool was built or drowned in the pool not long after it was built came to my mind and the teachers image who I recognized right away, the same teacher having pushed me under the water in the pool for a few seconds in punishment for talking.
The dream was very vivid but because I'd had emetophobic dreams that night as well, I hadn't really thought much of it, only it was a little odd and out of the blue.
Last night, I had the same dream except this time T was there and a few more friends and we were looking for the girl. She only appeared when I was left alone and I felt very edgy and fearful again. I've not been able to get the vivid pictures out of my head today, I have no idea why, but even during my editing and my time with Angel, I kept finding myself back there again, standing with the little girl, looking out of the window at the pool, feeling on edge and scared.
It's very odd and I'm hoping that tonight, the same dream won't happen again, I'm already feeling a dragging feeling pulling me towards the school and if it was possible I know I'd be visiting there right now. I'm not thinking anything into it right now, only how strange it is and jumping at every shadow.
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