I'm sitting on the sofa, feeling too afraid to go to sleep and wake up in the morning knowing I won't have long until we set off. I can't cope with it. I really really wanted to go on holiday but all I feel and have felt a growing feeling of over the past few days is ill. For an emetophobic, it's a nightmare to be terrified to the point of nausea 24/7. Tonight is worse and I know tomorrow will be even worse. I regret not asking the doctor for some diazapam now. I don't feel like I can do this.
I'm not as scared of the actual holiday but the travelling. It's like my mind is convinced that I'm going to get ill. I can't do that. I know if that happened I would go downhill and I don't know if I could get back up again.
I tried having a bath with lavender oil, even lit some candles and had some floating lights and did some hypnotherapy but I feel no different. I'm a state. I'm talking to my sister at the moment who is just as scared of travelling as I am and I can't blame her, she gets travel sickness worse than I do. It comes in waves, I'm either trying not to think about it or I'm panicking about it. Feeling the urge to self-harm again, not because of addiction or guilt but more out of desperation.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI know it's really easy for me to say and harder for you to believe but I know you will get through it. This is something I experience as well everytime I go away. You should have seen all the sweets, I mean travel sickness tablets I took before getting on the train when I came for my little break away. It was like they were smarties and like you, I felt sick 24/7 before getting on that train but it was worth it in the end to see you and I hope that the travelling and anxiety will be worth it for you when you get to the actual holiday!
You deserve this break and I hope you all really enjoy it. xxx
ps. Lord knows if I have made any sense - if I haven't, I know you get my loopy language!