Holiday day 2

Last night, I was worried about going to sleep but managed to sleep okay despite T getting up in the night and waking me up. I had a small panic attack but managed to go back to sleep.
I was a bit slow getting going this morning but we decided to go out to the park with Angel. I took no meds and we went out. Angel had a great time playing and the air helped me wake up. We walked all the way down to the cliffs above the beach and then walked back to the apartment to get ready to go swimming. I was very anxious. Swimming is a major panic creater for me. I took a quarter of a lorazapam just to give me the barest of edges then we all went out. I was scared but determined to try. We got there though and the pool was shut because of the PH being wrong.
We decided to go do some shopping for the rest of the week. I walked around The supermarket and got food and managed to do the whole shop despite being panicky. When we got home we had lynch early then Angel went for her nap and I found as much as I could to clean but there wasnt much. I ended up going between writing and playing a game. When Angel woke up I was feeling a very very worried about our plan to go out to the beach for a few hours. We made our way there and I was so tempted to just stay in the car and wait. I felt ill and kept thinking what if I'm sick on the beach? What of I can't get to the car or the toilets? I ended up forcing myself onto the beach with T and Angel. I was horrifically panicked and didn't see getting back the car as an option. If I was going to get ill then it was going to be in in public. I sat down on a rock and dug my nails into my arms, completely bypassing the elastic bands. I actually thought that was it, I would get ill and it would all be over. I watched Angel playing and took my shoes off to help ground me and I began to calm down a little. I admit I took half a lorazapam but although the panic was massive and I really thought I was ill, I didn't take more. I wanted to get over it myself with only a little help. I walked around and picked up stones and played making sand castles with Angel. I finally calmed down enough to go down to the sea. Angel was unimpressed and scared but any last panic I had faded when thr freezing water hit my ankles and I began collecting beautiful treasures. Angel started to get cold and upset so we went back up thr cliff to the car. Angel and T went back to the apartment in the car but I decided I wanted to walk back, enjoy being outside longer and further challenge myself. On my walk I had the idea of eating out together as a family, for the first time. I met Angel and T and they liked the Idea and went to the resteraunt while I popped back to the apartment to get changed into a pretty dress, brush my hair and put on a little make-up. I arrived back at the diner and we ordered food. And...... I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO EAT A MEAL OUT IN PUBLIC WITH MY FAMILY!!! de