Yawn

Last night was a catastrophe. I had yet another panic attack before I managed to fall asleep then I was woken up just over an hour later by T's work phone going off and him telling me he had to go into work. In the process of getting up and everything, he woke Angel up. So I ended up fighting the drugs and having a panic attack from the fight and the sudden wake up and having to wait for it all to pass before I could go to sleep again. Angel was then awake every hour thinking it was time to get up and every time I was woken I panicked and had to calm down again. I almost ended up staying awake at half-past 5 thinking it would be easier than keep getting woken up, but I couldn't keep my eyes open.

When Angel did get up, thankfully she was in a good mood and although she didn't eat much breakfast she was cheerful and talkative which helped me to wake up a bit. I kept forgetting what I was doing I was so tired. T came home from work at just gone 10 and he said he wasn't going to sleep until Angel had her sleep in the afternoon so we could still go over and visit my friend and go for a short walk. I was panicky despite having taken half a lorazapam, which for the little effect it had and how drowsy I'm feeling now, I wish I hadn't taken it.  

I was only just managing to stay calm on our walk and I felt very panicky when I got to my friends house, but knowing I could leave at any time and it wasn't just me keeping an eye on Angel and K understands my issues, I calmed a little although the panic still came at me in waves. It was lovely to see them all though, despite the panic and Angel had fun playing with her children.

We then left and the closer we got the home, the more hungry I felt. I made lunch when we got home then I blew up the air bed and set up a sleeping place for T and set up Angel's cot ready for them both. Not long after they both went up and yet again I wasn't sure Angel was ready to go up to bed but T was sure she was and he was feeling tired. I got them both settled them came back downstairs to do the washing, the washing-up, cleaning the kitchen, making bottles etc etc. Then I thought I would go and sit down for the first time all morning except at K's house, but Angel was really playing up. She was being so badly behaved I ended up getting very stressed and upset and angry and got her up out of her cot in the end. I left T asleep and sat downstairs, playing with Angel and trying to sort food out for dinner and writing the lists for holiday still which I'm working on on my own.

When we woke T up before dinner he turned on his phone to realise that he has to go back into work tonight at 7 so in half an hour and he could potentially be out for 12 hours. Which means I have to order our shopping online and won't get out tomorrow, a whole day of my FFing weekend will be me and Angel on our own again with me working my ass off on barely any sleep to get the pets fed, Angel fed, T fed, the house clean and tidy. I haven't even started to pack yet and do the washing for holiday. Grrrrrrrrrr Right now I feel so angry that T has to do stupid standby hours at work.

Goodness help me is Angel is awake all night again.