Expected, Unexpected Amazingness.

Today has been a very odd day of unexpected amazingness (don't care that it isn't a real word, it is now).
This might be a quick brief account as I'm a little rushed tonight. 


The plan for today was to go out up to the post box and to pick up a prescription from the doctors and get it from the chemist. The added fearful part was doing it with a friend. After reading yesterdays blog she decided that we would start slow and small and do that much together. I was a bit nervous but got everything ready the night before, the bags and my meds and clothes, all ready. So when I woke up (a lot later than anticipated) this morning, I just had to throw my clothes on, feed Angel and myself (Kinda) and brush teeth and do my hair, which I planned to spend a little bit more time over in the hope of making it my relaxation, preparation, like putting on war paint I guess. By the time we went out my meds hadn't kicked in properly but I felt okay and we walked to the post box, I broke it down into small things, getting to one goal, then another. From there through the little park then up to the doctors. I strangely didn't panic in the doctors even with how hot it was and we then went round to the chemist, I got my prescription, sat waiting perfectly happily chatting away and then I decided I wanted to go further. My friend was going into town and I had remembered to bring the bread for the ducks so we all went into the big park and Phia (my friend K's daughter) and Angel fed the ducks. It was fun and I felt confident enough to carry on. We got into town and went on a little adventure, looking around a few places I haven't been before. They were very beautiful and I coped fine (with the help of meds) and enjoyed the adventuring. From there we went into a bank, these for some reason usually make me panicky but I was okay and from there I went off on my own to get a few hair things and met back up with K not long after.  We had a look in a 3 story clothes shop and I was fine in the lift, up the top and then on the first floor. Payed then went outside. We walked down to the supermarket to get some shopping we both needed,  was feeling a little anxious but I reassured her that once we'd done the shopping we would be heading back into far less busy streets to get home. Supermarkets are usually terrifying to me, but I whipped round and got what I wanted and then payed. (the self service makes it easier for me). We walked home through the park again and I let Angel out of her pram to walk which she enjoyed. 


We had lunch then Angel went to sleep and I ended up feeling so tired, I fell asleep on my computer. So i decided to scrap work and have an hour off to just lay down on the sofa and play games on my phone. 


Angel was a little moody and clingy this evening and I just put it down to her being tired but after putting her to bed, she kept crying and not going to sleep. I suspected something wasn't right, I just know these things sometimes. She finally went off and then fifteen mins later or less I heard a noise over the monitor, (a noise Emetophobics know and immediately panic over). I didn't panic. I looked at the screen and Angel was sitting up holding her hands out and crying. I dropped everything I was doing, knowing that pose from when I used to look after my sister. T was already in bed asleep due to having a rough day and still catching up on sleep and i went into Angels room, turned on the light and confirmed my suspicions. I called T but I knew if I needed to I could do this alone. I cleaned up her hands and she was sick a bit more, getting very very upset about it, especially as it had woken her up. T cleaned Angel up while I cleaned the bed and the mess. I was a little shaky but I didn't feel sick myself and I didn't panic. I didn't avoid Angel in case she has something catching, I went straight to her and held her and told her I was there. And for the first time in my life, I really was there, not somewhere in my mind panicking. 


She had major cuddle time with mummy and daddy both the same and she is now asleep again. T almost cried with how proud of me he was which was lovely. 


We suspect that it is the lactose in her diet that we have upped that has upset her, but if it is a bug and I will catch it. I guess, I'll just have to cope. What other choice do I have? As long as I am at home, in my safe space, I will be terrified and hate it but I will cope.