I hold the letter in my hand.

Today is Saturday and my last full day alone before Angel and T come back from Norfolk. T is having a rough time with everything being so much busier and noisier there. I got myself up not early but not late today and started my morning with a quick walk to the post box to post my friends letter. I bumped into my other friend again, it's very odd how we keep doing that, but it's nice :)


I got home and made coffee and wrote another chapter of my book. I've planned the next few out and now I'm sitting here waiting for someone to come pick up some clothes I'm giving away via freegle and wondering what to say to my dad who's text me to ask if he and my sister can come over later. Do I lie and pretend I'm in Norfolk too? I know that it will be very awkward. Me and my sister have only spoken in the last 3 months over text or social network to argue. Do I really want to deal with that alone? Not really, not at all let alone alone. So I guess I need to lie and I hate doing that, but this is my house and this is my time and if I want it to do as I like and not be made to feel awkward in my own home then that's what I should do. Only thing is I'm scared of them catching me out and me getting into trouble with my sister and mum again. 


Thinking about my sister has gotten me thinking about my mum. I dug around under the sofa, upstairs and all over until I found the notepad I was looking for. The notepad where I stored the letter mum sent to me. So now I have the letter in my hand, completely underwhelmed by what she wrote to me and debating writing back to her. Do I want to write back to punish myself more? Do I want to confirm what she mus already know, that I want nothing to do with her? Then writing to her will undo that. Do I just want to argue? Want to tell her how I feel and that I'm not ready to forgive her yet and I don't know when I will be. Maybe I just want to hurt her? As if I haven't hurt her enough. 


That's enough, even my questions are questioning themselves. I'm going in circles and there's an odd sound in the house that I need to go and investigate.