Normality is returning

T and Angel are on their way home. It was touch and go whether they would be able to get back today because of the car being messed up still. It went from them leaving at 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon, to 3 in the afternoon then to 5. Finally they got the car sorted and got away. 


I made it through the night last night, by some miracle, not hurting myself at all. I slept with three blades by me but I didn't use any of them. Thankfully my relaxation program got me to sleep and when I woke up this morning I felt a lot better. I've been fighting the depression all day but thankfully now the self-harming thoughts are coming back, T and Angel will be home in the next few hours. 


It feels like so much longer than the last 4 days that I haven't seem them for. Sounds silly but what if I have forgotten the routine? What if I forgot how to look after her properly? forgotten how to hold my temper?What if she's changed? If she doesn't want me anymore. She hasn't been asking for me. 


My mind is in a torturous place at the moment anyway due to the chapters in my novel that I've gotten to and how depressing they are for the characters, especially the one I can relate to a lot. Thankfully another character will be coming back into it from my previous two books and he I like to be able to relate to. He's energetic and happy and bouncy and a lot like I used to be in my hyper phases. I miss my hyper phases. 


I havn't been out today and I know that is bad of me, the deal with T was for me to at least go outside the door past the street everyday. It might mean I've gone a little backwards again. Unfortunately for some reason right now I can't find it in myself to care; something I'll regret pretty soon.