Today

Today started so well, I woke up to look at my phone and realized that I'd sold all the things listed on e-bay last Saturday night and earned over £100.

T was in a bit of a bad mood thought and Angel had had him up early and me being lazy on my meds hadn't even heard them get up. I ffing hate that. I hate being made to be lazy. I want to come off these meds.

We had intended to go out to a park today but it as usual didn't turn out that way. Angel was in a grotty mood which we thought would pass when we went out as is usually does, so we got ready and drove up the road to a shop to get a few things. I was a little nervous but just dealt with it. I felt very odd when I got back into the car though bu realized that my blood sugar had dropped low enough to make me feel ill so I had some crisps (carbohydrate and salt) and some sweets for the sugar to spike me back up while the carbohydrate was kicking in. T was going to drop me off home before we went to a another big store to look for some shoes for himself but although I was still dizzy I decided I knew I wasn't ill ill, or anxious so I said to carry on past the house and out of town the other way. When we got there, I was a little worried about going into such a huge place but I wanted to show myself that I could do it. Last time i went there I ended up waiting outside for the whole time and that was on lorazapam, this time I was on nothing and wanted to see how far I've come. I got out still feeling a little wobbly and went in, inside it was cool thankfully. The shoes were all upstairs and I was very very unsure about going up there. T gave me the prefect scapegoat, he told me to stay downstairs with Angel and look around but I gathered my courage together, held Angels hand and forced myself up the stairs. I felt quiet anxious up there, but I refused to think of getting out to the car as an option, like I have no option in the week when it's just me and Angel and we have no safety net of the car. Angel was still feeling very stroppy and miraculously it was her tantrum that broke me of my panic as I had to deal with bit because T was busy trying on shoes. Unfortunately she had several more tantrums and I ended up carrying her down the stairs over my shoulder (thankfully feeling less dizzy). I was fine from then onward and completely calm, even travelling back home in a very hot car with a very moody little girl who had another tantrum in the car. Conclusion is that she hates with weather, she's joined my hating the hot sun club, and I can't blame her.

At home I cooked lunch while T put up the little pool for Angel and then we ate lunch, well T and I ate lunch, Angel wasn't keen an after an half an hour battle to get her to eat one piece of fried potato we gave up. She went into the pool and played for a while then we put her in her cot for a nap. A nap that she didn't have and after an hour of watching her writhing about and playing stupid games in her cot we got her up, argued then T took Angel out to get a few things while I did the housework and managed a quick shower.

I'm worried about this week, How I will cope with Angel feeling so low and so crappy because of my blood sugar and blood pressure. I've had enough of these tablets and this weather.