Fighting a losing battle.

Today I'd planned to walk to a shopping place on my own with Angel. I knew already last night that I wouldn't. That id be too scared to actually go walking somewhere alone. In case I felt faint and dizzy or passed out. I knew T was at home though so maybe I should have tried and he would have picked me up if I got too bad. The temptation with him working from home though is always that he can help me out. Knowing that id be asking him to take us in the car to the shopping place I didn't take any lorazapam. I had some aconite and some breakfast and got Angel ready. The original plan had been for T to sit in the food place they have there and use their free wifi but it was closed so he ended up sitting in the car right outside the shops I wanted to go in, which of course was better, no easier for me. I went into one shop and looked around then decided to walk a distance to one I hadn't planned to go in. I felt a bit anxious but did it then went into a shoe shop to look for sandals for Angel. We decided on some pretty silver ones and some pink glittery jellies just like I'd had when I was little. Angel then spotted sone pretty sparkly silver shoes. She said they were pretty and they were in ny size and reduced so I tried them on and fell on love with them, wore them all day since. T went into work this afternoon and Angel and I had a quiet afternoon with her actually napping and me managing to get some work done. At the moment I'm lying in bed trying to dedice what to do tomorrow. Too scared to make any real commitments and not believing I will end up doing anything much. It's supposed to rain tomorrow but I'm not sure that will help my predicament unless it really cools the air. I need to beat this fear down and get back on the horse but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.