Today has been an odd day, Apart from popping around to the chip shop to get some lunch for me and Angel and playing out the front we haven't been out today. On the up side, its another day with no lorazapam and dealt with the heat without feeling faint. I also realized that although going to the shop and out in the road may not seem like an incredibly big challenge now, it used to be a massive one. Especially after I'd eaten, or if it was too hot or there were many people around etc. Today I went out even after eating chocolate, which is a big thing for me especially after my sister. (but I won't go into that because I don't want to trigger other Emetophobics). So yeah a day spent playing with Angel lots and lots of housework as usual.
I know I'm not fat, but I am getting fatter and hate it. I will not end up looking like my mum. I know people keep telling me I'm not fat but I know my own body and I can tell there is extra fat around my belly and my thighs and I will ffing get rid of it. I don't intend to diet or change my eating because for me the main thing is that I enjoy what I eat and I don't need another eating disorder, however I will be trying to work some of it off, so I don't have to be ashamed of myself. I don't need any more excuse to hate myself.
Tomorrow we need to go to the supermarket and do our weekly shop and I need to go to a chemist and get some more aconite and lavender oil. After having day off today and how bad I've been all week, I'm very worried about it. But I already know I'll cheat and take some lorazapam. Not as much as I have been if I can help it, but some.
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