Today I got dressed in my normal clothes then decided that to feel more confident it might help to dress more confidently. So I took off my usual jeans, trainers and tops and put on a pair of light denim skinny jeans, a pink long-sleeve top with a short-sleeve one over the top and my favorite denim and pink shoes/trainers. My William shoes! (William is a character from my books).
I got Angel and I ready and T went out to work so we decided to walk to the post box and I got some bread ready to go feed the ducks too. We started walking and I took Angel of foot rather than in her stroller, which was a mistake because she kept tripping up and trying to claw her way into my arms every time a ca came past - I think that is a side effect of being in Norfolk and not going out apart from the funeral where she would have been carried and inside so no normal time out for 4 days. We ended up posting the letters then coming back to pick up her pram and go back out. I have a problem with going back out again once I've gotten home though, my mind is so used to coming home and that being 'the battle over' so we can now eat and relax. I was feeling more uncomfortable but made myself go out, and we walked around the block and that was all but I made myself go out the second time to prove to myself that I can. We then came home and played with her dolls house, she helped me with the washing and then we fed the rabbit. It was lunch time then and we sat down to eat. A friend unexpectedly turned up and it was a lovely surprise, usually I would panic because I was eating but I find her strangely comforting and felt relaxed after only a few minutes. She stayed a while which I was glad about because the girls where having a nice time playing and we were chatting :D It was also her first challenge after a bit of a bad patch and an unannounced visit after not being here for a very long time so very brave of her.
Angel had a good sleep and I sat outside in the garden finishing off her dolly and doing some knitting. T ended up having a sleep in the sofa as he was feeling wiped out still from the weekend. I made sure that I was quiet getting Angel up after her sleep and we played upstairs for a while then came downstairs and played outside with her friend. I felt quite anxious, panicky when I was out there, but Angel was having fun and T was sleeping so I stuck with it, twanging my bands a little and digging my nails in a little but nothing more and after a drink I calmed down and enjoyed it.
Angel is in bed now and I'm just typing away before I have to get the washing up done and then I can maybe get some writing in. Although I'm worrying about about tomorrow. For a normal person it wouldn't we worry worthy at all. I'm getting my hair cut, not having my eyes pulled out or my arms torn off.
Last time I had my hair cut by a professional in the home (the hairdresser is coming out to me) was before we got married over 3 years ago. Last time I had my hair done before that was in a salon over 8 years ago. Getting my hair cut for me is a little like the dentist, the sitting still and having someone else touching me, okay it isn't in my mouth but I still can't move. What if I feel ill? Well the answer is, I can't so F off panic. I WANT my hair cut. Yes it's a big challenge especially with T being out at work and having Angel but I can do this and I will.
Yep readers I'm still me, haven't had a brain transplant or anything. It the shoes!!!!!
As you know, I feel the same with the hairdressers. I was sat at the hairdressers today thinking, "Oh my word, what if I'm sick?" - well, for me I had it in my head that I would probably be quite conscious of the fact that I was feeling unwell and I could ask to go outside/to the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI think having your hair cut is a good start. Like if you are having your hair dyed, it feels much more restrictive because you can hardly pop out the way then unless you look want to look like cruella de vil :P
I know it's at your home so it's a little bit different in that the hairdresser would still be with you but you would be able to get away in time so you weren't ill in front of her.
Try and think of the end goal - how much more confident you will feel with a new style and how proud of yourself you will be for this achievement :)
xx
I think you did great today :) very proud and I think thinking that way is the best thing we can do. I am kinda looking forward to getting a new look. I think it is the next step in my confidence building :D
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